Bronwen Holder. March 5th is my birthday . I LOVE Hedley. I love my sports . Soccer 1st. Sports. Music. I dont cry alot , but when boys cry :(..I love quoting songs.
“I can’t even breathe or live a day where my mind isn’t consumed by the thoughts of him. He is always there, racing through my mind, searching up and down all of the corridors I thought I had kept locked up inside because they were far to painful to remember. And yet every door I open trying to find a way to get to him, he is there, standing on the other side, but we both know I am to weak to pull myself through, and he won’t lend me a hand. So I just shut the door because I need to find another way to get to him, I need to find the right door where he will extend the hand. Because I need him. I need him so badly, there is a difference between want and need and I learned that very long ago so when I tell you “I need him,” please do not make an attempt to correct me and tell me I “want” him. Because I do not need my appendix, but it would cause me great discomfort to have it removed, but I do need my heart, as much as I do not want it most of the time, it is what keeps me alive. I wish you were my appendix, because within time the scars would heal and I would recover, but you are my heart, and without you, there is no me. You are the oxygen that fills me, and I am my lungs, without breathing you in I would not survive, and for me to breathe in anything else, would be just as toxic as not breathing at all. I need a dose of his voice in the morning, afternoon and evening just to get by everyday sanely. Sometimes I catch myself folding my hands together and closing my eyes, imagining that my left hand was yours, clasping over top of mine. Then I try to listen and remember how softly you would say “I love you so much,” so quiet but so passionately. I can remember it very distinctly the first time he said “I love you.” It was on the corner of my street and I started to cry because I wanted to tell you I love you first, something I had never done before, just so you knew I meant it. I love him so much my mind when I wake up, drifts to him right away. And I can still see him driving me home in his mothers car glancing over at me while I sang to the radio, smiling at me and saying “my god am I ever lucky to be inlove,” or the times he would grab my hand and sing with me and tell me he meant forever, but I already knew he meant it from the ring on my delicate finger of my left hand. I remember those moments so clearly and maybe it’s because I relive them every night in my dreams. They say you can’t die from a broken heart but that is very untrue, because I can feel pieces of me dying inside everyday he does not return.”